Of Woodchucks and Men

How much could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? According to Cornell researchers the answer would be approximately 700 pounds. I have a different answer if the woodchuck (or groundhog if you prefer) happens to be in my backyard and showing signs of rabies, and the answer is none. In reality, the woodchuck will be too busy being shot by the animal control officer (I know that I design guns for a living and should be able to do this myself) to chuck any wood or anything else for that matter.

Don't think that I enjoyed seeing the woodchuck be shot. I love woodchucks. If I could have one as a pet I totally would. I just happen to fear dying of a disease as unpleasant as rabies. This particular woodchuck may not have been rabid, but he was not at all well. I nearly stepped on him as I walked to my compost bin this afternoon. Seriously, I was about to take a step when I looked down and a few feet from where I was about to step was a cute little woodchuck. The curious thing about this guy though was that he wasn't really in too much of a hurry to not be just a few feet from me. In fact, when he did move it was only somewhat away from me as he seemed to be slowly staggering in circles. This was obviously not a healthy animal.

I thought at first that he may have been hit by a car and had stumbled into the yard, but I got a pretty good look at him and saw no blood. To make a long story short, I ended up calling animal control and they sent an officer right over. The officer agreed that the animal needed to be "dispatched". She used a bolt action Marlin .22 Magnum. The first shot was to the head but the little guy was still fighting so a second was necessary, but it did the trick. She took the body and told me to dump bleach water on the blood, more for peace of mind than anything since rabies is passed through saliva not blood. So that was the most exciting time I've had in a while. The woodchuck is dead, but hopefully he suffered less than if the illness had run its course.